The art of creating while dealing with the fear of failure

In this article, the following topics are mentioned: anxiety, fear of failure and eating disorders.

As an artist, creative processes can vary from being exciting to simply dreadful. One day you are bursting with energy and inspiration. On other days, you are desperately grasping for ideas. When you do finally have that great concept, excitement steps in. Things are falling into place and you make a plan to achieve your goal. It’s time to get started! So you sit at your desk, grab a piece of paper and a pencil and just when you are about to draw a line, you cannot seem to move. All you can hear is a voice inside of your head yelling at you, telling you that you and your work are not good enough. And guess what? You never will be. 

How do you cope with a debilitating fear of failure and how can you keep creating while controlling the voice that is trying to control you?
In this article I will share my journey on dealing with a fear of failure.

I’m currently juggling multiple creative projects. While I’m generally energised by creativity and the variety of tasks that come with it, creative processes can be extremely taxing both emotionally and physically. While working on an art project you take pieces of yourself and put those into the artwork. When you share your work with others, you are putting yourself in a position of vulnerability. In that sense, creating is in part externally driven: you have something to tell and are inviting people to listen and to form an opinion about your work. It seems only natural that you want to do the best you can to create a work of art that others are bound to love.

For me, this is where a fear of failure (with a generous sprinkle of perfectionism) comes into play. I first noticed my fear of failure during high school, then later in art school. All I did, all the time, was do my best. I was pushing myself to work hard and to avoid failure as much as possible. I equated my self worth with my performance – good grades or a good performance meant being good enough (whatever that meant). This pleased that little voice inside of my head. The more I followed it, the louder and heavier it became. Ironically, while I did well academically, I felt like a failure nonetheless. With my attempts to escape the idea of failure, I crossed many personal boundaries and had developed an eating disorder during my teenage years. I ended up not being able to perform (academically) at all, because I was too ill, which in turn made me feel even more like a complete and utter failure.

It is safe to say that my fear of failure isn’t the best at argumentation. It made up this false notion that I would feel better if I would only listen, but my fear of failure had very little to back its reasoning up. I spiralled until I didn’t have much of a choice other than to ask for help.

During my recovery from my eating disorder, I had to work hard on resetting the negative thoughts about myself by learning that my value couldn’t be reduced to what I did and how well I did these things. In time, I’ve learned to deal with my fear of failure in positive and constructive ways, which have since been a great guide for me both personally and professionally.

Here are some of the things that have helped me deal with my fear of failure:

1. Be aware of your feelings and thoughts

Awareness is the path to change. By gaining insights into your thoughts and feelings, you can work towards a change in behaviour. I sometimes tend to procrastinate, because I’m afraid I will fail. By recognizing this behaviour and understanding that it doesn’t exactly make me feel better, I choose more active behaviours that may be fruitful. 

2. Small chunks are better than a mountain

Whenever I am overcome by a huge workload or stress, I take a step back and breathe. Then, instead of trying to deal with a huge mountain of work all at once, I start with a small task and after that, I do another one, and another one and another one. By working through bite sized chunks of work, I’m taking things one step at a time. With this technique I am slowly but surely making it to the top of that mountain I have been dreading whilst also feeling more in control of the situation without it being overwhelming. 

3. Stop comparing yourself to others

One of the most vital things for me was to stop comparing myself to others. I would often look at other people and their achievements and put them on pedestals. I came to realise that I did not only have an arbitrary notion of success, but I also couldn’t possibly compare my life to that of others. Everyone has different ambitions and life goals, learning processes, experiences and so forth. It made absolutely no sense to compare myself to someone who isn’t me. Moreover, instead of comparing myself to others, I’ve decided to rather be inspired by others. 

4. Positive affirmation

Appreciation for or feeling good about yourself can do wonders for your self-worth. During hard times, I have found that it’s helpful to make a list of my strengths and things that make me ‘me’. Positive thinking can also be stimulated by a positive affirmation that works for you. The one that works best for me, is a simple ‘it’s OK’ or ‘I’m OK’. It helps me remind myself that my self-worth is not determined by my work and I can just exist.

5. It’s OK to laugh…a lot

For me, humour is key to dealing with my fear of failure. As an animator, it should not come as a surprise that I love animated films or series. Whenever I’m stuck or feeling down, I watch a silly cartoon. Or I write down some of my interesting (and silly) thoughts, which remind me not to take everything so seriously. Laughter has the power to take the edge off the fear of failure.

Talk to someone

The act of sharing clears the mind. When I’m really stuck and can’t get rid of the web of thoughts of failure, it helps me to talk to someone. By talking to a friend or loved one I am able to put things into perspective. Obstacles, worries and negative thoughts don’t feel as heavy anymore. This also really helps my creative process. 

Worst case scenario 

When I talk to others about my fear of failure, the question I often get back is: what is the worst thing that can happen? This is a question that has proven to be very helpful and has helped me overcome fear, shame and insecurity. After many rejections during my creative career, I’m still here, alive and well. Rejection is not the end of the world, neither is an embarrassingly bad drawing. 

Failure is actually quite great

Lastly, but possible most importantly for creating: failure is essential to creating. The truth is, you probably won’t always be able to have success. In a creative process it’s actually highly likely you will ‘fail’ more than once, before you (maybe) succeed. Whether it’s a drawing or painting that didn’t work out the way you wanted it to or you left a cake too long in the oven and burned it, creativity and failure are entwined. 

It is often failure that helps you to be creative and to innovate. Personally, one of the most helpful and productive ways to deal with my fear of failure is to actively allow myself to fail. When I am intimidated by taking the first step at sketching, drawing or animating, I tell myself: ‘it’s now OK to make the ugliest, most horrible, embarrassing drawing, sculpture, whatever… go for it. This artwork will never see the light of day.’ This takes away the pressure of having to perform well or having to create something ‘perfect’ right off the bat. It also puts your focus on the process of making rather than just the finished result. Nobody is asking me to create perfect art in one attempt. If you can try as many times as you’d like, why not use the opportunity to explore (for example with new materials)? Sometimes lucky accidents make for the best art.

Dealing with my fear of failure is a process. I’m pretty sure it will always be a part of life to some extent and I’m OK with that. Instead of being paralysed by that fearful voice, I have found ways to deal with it. It doesn’t completely control me anymore. When it shows up, I acknowledge it and let it be there. Then I get to work and draw that first line of pencil on paper. 

Do you have a fear of failure? What helps you when your fear of failure tries to take control?


Illustrations by Shanta Jethoe